That time already

my last exam is tomorrow morning at 8......i can't believe that it is already that time of year.....my freshman year of college....less than 12 hours away from completion........the feeling i have when packing up reminds me of the feeling i had when i was packing to come here.....i'm excited to go back home.....yet reluctant to leave what i have come to love here.......growing up is never a win win situation......it is always bittersweet.........i know i will see most of these ppl again next semester.....but i've lived with them for the past 9 months....even if you don't know someone personally you feel connected to them.......i'm gonna miss living in a hall of girls...though i complain about it....there is something i love about it....i'm gonna miss being able to just walk down the hallway to see my friends....or just across the grassway......
i feel stupid for feeling so sentimental....but i can't help it.....i love it here.....i love the people here....i don't want to leave them....yet i do so i can go home.......it's like what i told KK today.....i am most at ease with myself when i am halfway between the two places i have come to love: college and home........that way i miss both places....and i'm not in one place wishing for the other only to get to that "other" place and wish i was back where i had just come from......
there is a constant need for me to tell myself that i can be content...that it is okay to just be happy where i am....i am doing no one wrong by letting myself be happy...even if i am without certain things/people that i love.........i need to remind myself that i should enjoy the moment....ENJOY being with my family when i am home.....ENJOY being with my friends when i am at school...........and not to lose precious time with the people i love just because i'm missing the place where i am not........i need to enjoy the time i get with the people i am with at that exact moment...........or one day i will regret it........

so i leave this post as a reminder for myself to do just that.......yes i am deeply going to miss my friends and dordt college.....but i can't let that stop me from FULLY enjoying my time back at home.....and then...next august when i come back....i can FULLY enjoy being with them again......

now off to study for theology......what a party