So I woke up this morning...

I woke up this morning with a new thought in my head: What am I supposed to do with this? What am I supposed to do with everything I learn here in Nicaragua? What am I supposed to do with the fact of knowing what life is like for people here? What am I supposed to do about the poor? the hungry? the corruption? When I go back to the states....how is this supposed to affect me? What am I supposed to take back with me? I´ve been holding tears at bay all day today thinking about this.....I don´t want to go back to the states and forget everything I have exerienced and felt and learned here.....but I know it is going to be sooooo easy to do.....it´s just that it would take SOOO much to turn this country around.....we talked in class today about how to help Nicaragua they would need education....not just schoolwise....but life wise...health wise...economically and politically.....they would need to be retaught how to live...basically.....how do you do that to a nation?
I can´t just buy food for someone on the street....or gladly hand my leftovers to the boy begging on the corner.....or buy them clothes....or take them out......that isn´t enough....that isn´t even a dent in the situation...in all reality...I don´t know if I can really do anything here.......These people have hope....if anything they have hope.......I don´t understand how...but they do.....I can´t change the government...I cant change the laws or the economic situation....I can´t fix poverty....They have hope and a lot of them have God....what is my purpose in being here? It has to be more than practicing the Spanish language.......

Why am I here.....what am I supposed to get from this? I feel so small here....I´ve had so many talks with my host mom and sister about me being American and having money and having this opportunity to study here and how they can´t afford to send my sister to study in the states and how they are struggling with money.....what am I to do with this? I can´t just give them money....my family may be richer but that doesn´t mean they don´t struggle...besides....just giving them money wouldn´t fix a thing.....there has to be something more...something I am missing or not thinking of.....I know the purpose of me being here can´t be to feel like crap about myself and the United states....but it can´t be just to be aware of and feel bad about the people here either......Is it just to open my eyes to how this world really is? the poverty the brokenness......to see how these people have so much hope in such dire conditions? If so....then what? After realizing and seeing that....what comes next?

I guess this is something I will be struggling with the three months I am here....maybe in time God will give me an answer....and maybe he won´t.....If any of you have thoughts on this...let me know....I would love input!

feeling hopeless and small,
<3Sarah

The first couple weeks!

Sooooo I have been here in Nicaragua for two and a half weeks now. The first week (four days) were a piece of cake...I spent those days at a place in Managua called the Nehemiah Center...it is the organization we worked through to get us here. They had rooms with bunks in them that all of us students stayed it....it was a lot like summer camp! Even the food was americanized with a still distinct Nicaraguan taste lol.....we all spoke English......the fact that we were thousnads of miles from home and that we would be for three and a half months didn´t really sink in during these four days.....it was our orientation......
Sunday was when we all met our host families and went home with them for the first time....this is when reality really sank in....and the first night was a hard one for all of us....even those who DO know Spanish (only three of us speak pretty decent Spanish...the other four are attemtping to learn it here). We all missed our families terribly and longed for something familiar. But we all made it through :-)
My host family is AMAZING!! I got soo lucky. I have a mom and a dad...two sisters...a brother in law...a new nephew (couple weeks old) and an aunt all living in my house with me. They love me so much though and take SUCH good care of me.....my mom and sister have already had fun dressing me up and doing my nails and hair lol.....(i´ll get pictures up as soon as I can on facebook).....the food isn´t that bad and I have only found a couple things that I just can´t eat. It is nice though because everytime my family has me try something new they are like ¨just try it...see if you like it...if you don´t thats okay...if you do then good!¨I have been soo thankful for that outlet lol........in the profile that I sent before I came I told my family that I don´t eat a lot and that my friends tell me I eat like a bird....the first couple days every time I ate they commented on it lol....I´m just thankful it sank in because there is NOOOOO way I could eat as much as them and I don´t want to offend them (food is an important thing here and if someone doesn´t like food or doesn´t eat it all it is usually taken as an offense.....another thing is that here it is beautiful to be fat because it means you can afford to feed yourself well....I get comments on being skinny alllll the time).
My class schedule is pretty easy here. I have class in Managua (hour and a half away) on Mondays from 9-4 (a history and a societal transformation class).....Tuesdays and Thursdays I have class from 8-12 (grammar and literature)....Wednesdays are free and Fridays I have a culture class from 10-12.....It is soooooo nice being done with classes most days by noon....it leaves a lot of time for walking around and getting to know Leon....shopping...travelling...going to the beach :-D (yup workin on that tan!)....and just hanging out with friends and family. Three of the other students are within walking distance of my house so that is really nice! I always have someone to walk or share a taxi with.
Mangua is a huge city and is pretty dangerous at night. You have to take a bus everywhere (we spent a day travelling the busses of Managua just to see what it was like...wow...interesting lol most of the time you are standing)....Leon is a much safer place and we are allowed to go out on our own (the girls with at least one other person).....At night it is a little more dangerous than the day but we are allowed to go out in groups.......Leon is a pretty good sized town/city....I think it takes 30-45 to drive through by car.
OH I have to tell you about one of the most exciting experiences I have had. A couple Thursdays ago we had a really really bad rainstorm here...it was effects of the Hurrican in the Carribean. It started raining just as we finished class. We sat around a while thinking we could sit it out and then walk home....nope...it only started raining harder....within minutes the streets were FULL of water...we decided just to brave it and go home.....hoping to catch a taxi we stood at a street corner.....no luck...all the cars were full of people or stalled in the water....yeah it was that deep.....walking home Matt (one of the other students) and I crossed streets full of water up past our knees....and that water was moving! I lost my sandal and Matt chased it down for me lol....such a good guy (ladies he´s single...you should check him out! lol he is quite the gentleman...even carried my bag for me under his poncho so I only had to worry about my umbrella and shoes hahaha)......Anyways...that was a fun expereince....it got a little scary at night because my house has a tin roof and it sounded like my ceiling was going to blow away or be pounded through by rain....the thunder and lightening were RIGHT over my head....I´ll admit...I was scared in that room by myself :-)

Life goes on though. This weekend is Nicaraguans Independance day....there are parades and festivities going on all over town. I´m hoping to see some parades tomorrow and Monday (yup we dont have class on Monday :-p)......I hope to take some good pictures that I can put up too.

Well I should get home. My family is probably wondering where I am! They worry about me like I am their own daughter lol......I know it is going to be hard to leave them in December....but we´ll worry about that later.

I love you all and miss you guys back home! But know that I am having an amazing time down here and it definitely is the experience of a lifetime. I´ll be writing agains soon! Take care!

With love in Christ,
Sarah

PS If you have any questions about anything....Nicaragua.....Leon...about life here....anything at all just leave a post and I´ll do my best to answer!!

PPS The email I check the most is srhdpp@dordt.edu....if anyone is interesting Jon and my mom have my address and my cellphone number (yup they gave us phones down here..well we payed some but it is a good deal!)....My mom sent me a package just after I left and it got here in two and a half weeks....but it was a really small box...I hear big things get lost....especially if sent in regular mail...UPS Fedex or something of the sort works better lol...hint hint....nah Abbie (another student) got letters here too....and it should be no surprise that mail is ALWAYS a welcomed joy. It isn´t easy being so far from home....I´m not saying anyone has to...just putting the availability out there in case anyone had the desire lol....LOVE YOU GUYS!!!