So close and yet still only in my dreams

So these last couple of nights I have been dreaming of home...the hugs and warm fuzzy feelings all coming within my reach but only in an imaginary world....only to be woken up by a baby crying and Spanish voices. The count is down to 4 days (five including today).....My level of excitement to be home is beginning to equal out with the sad feelings of having to leave. I really am going to miss being here.....my family...my house....Teddy....the daily routines I have formed....I might even miss the cold showers or the fact of being able to take cold showers and not really minding (though returning to cold temps will make me LOVE my hot showers lol).....I'll miss getting to sit with my mom and sister chatting on my bed....I'll miss the food (though I am going to be oh so thankful to get my own back I have come to enjoy the food here)......life is just going to be different...again.....one wouldn't think they would face culture shock going back to their own "world"...but you do....I remember facing it when I got back from Honduras last summer....but this time I'm facing three and a half months of being away...not 6 weeks.....I have fully established a life here.....I've learned the routines and habits of the people...I've changed myself to fit the culture and lifestyle here......going back to the states is going to be sooo weird....The reality of how much has happened to me here will hit me full force once I leave....the harder thing will be dealing with it once I'm back home and away from my 6 classmates. They are the only ones who will understand me...understand what I am going through...and they will be states away...at least for a month until I go back to school.....and as much as the people at home may try to understand...unless they have lived in a 3rd world country....they will never be able to understand.......after a while they will get tired of hearing about my stories...they will get tired of me always saying, "Oh well in Nicaragua...." or, "I remember this one time in Nicaragua"....they will sit there and pretend to listen but not really listen........it will hurt....it will be frustrating....I'm going to feel misunderstood and maybe feel like what I have gone through means nothing to anyone else.......the truth is...what I have experienced in these three and a half months...the life I have lived here....I'll never be able to put this experience into words that someone who hasn't been here would ever understand.....they won't feel what I feel in my heart and in my being when I talk of Nicaragua and my family here.....like I said in one of my papers when talking about the hope here in Nicaragua....the people back home won't understand because they haven't heard about the hope in the songs the people sing here...they haven't seen the hope in the eyes of the beggar on the street or the half naked child on the curb....they don't see it in the eyes of the people who talk about Nicaragua's history and the hope they have for its future.......people back home just won't get it..........I mean it isn't their fault....we all experience different things at different times and in different ways......all I'm trying to say is that though I am really excited to come home...it's going to be hard...in more than one way.........I remember getting back from Honduras and people would be like, "Oh how was Honduras?"...yet they only give me maybe 2 minutes of their time to talk about it....when it would have been better if they gave me 2 hours...at least to begin........it is impossible to sum up my life here into a 2 min speech....but that is what everyone wants......where would I begin? with pictures? I have around 1000.....with stories or most touching moments? which day would you want?
I am going to miss my life here....and I don't know when I'll be able to come back....but what has happened to me here will forever be a part of my life....whether I can put it into words for others or just keep it in my heart....it's there...and it will never stop being a part of who I am....like my teacher said in my last culture class....Nicaragua will never be the same because I have been here and I will never be the same since I've been in Nicaragua.......and it's so true. So I guess for now...I'll start working on my elevator speech..........